Once you realise what you are worth, you won’t accept anyone or anything that tries to devalue you.
If we think we are worthless, then others will too. Then they have power over you. They feel bigger when you are down, either because you are choosing to feel this way or because they have beaten you down. People who are threatened by your greatness will try and make you feel small. Always refuse to let them do this.
Nobody can get actually get inside your head and make you think anything. YOU are the only person who can control how you feel. Once you master this, you are so powerful. During my divorce, I was told various things, such as “you are as useless as a chocolate teapot” and “look at you, nobody else will ever want you!” Another great one was “if you died, everybody would be ok.” These are not ok things to say to anybody but it was what it was! I couldn’t control this, but I could control how I reacted.
After a few months of verbal and emotional abuse, I did want to die. I lay in bed and acted like a zombie, unable to look after my children or do anything at all really. I didn’t want to face the horrible path that was staring me in the face. I worried continuously and lost weight, felt totally stressed out and hit rock bottom.
And then I woke up.
I woke up to the fact that nobody had the power to make me feel this way. I was choosing these feelings. Deep down I knew that I was strong, significant and valuable, because of everything I had done in my younger years. I never needed anybody at certain points in my life, so why was I scared of walking the road less travelled? What had happened over the course of getting married and having children? I’ll tell you what had happened. I’d forgotten who I really was, and what I was worth.
When you are constantly told that you are wrong, or mental, or bad, you will probably start to believe it at some point. This is when it gets dangerous and you can decide to just settle for a life that is stable, but so not happy. It happens a lot. It’s an easy way to live, but not very fulfilling. You will have allowed your value to have decreased to a measly level, and may allow yourself to be treated as a slave, because you believe that you don’t deserve any better.
At any time, you can decide that you are worth so much more, and then start to thrive. But, you have to truly believe it. You may have more than one person placing a low value on you. It doesn’t matter how many there are, once you start to believe in yourself, things will start to change. You will take their power away, and add to yours. Anything is possible if you believe it enough, so believe, and you will achieve.
We should only have those people in our lives who lift us up. We do not need to justify how we live. Ever. If somebody is questioning you about your life, or even judging you, just smile. Let the silence become uncomfortable. The more you practise, the easier it will be, and the more effective it will become. The questioners will have nowhere to go and will hopefully lose interest in trying to annoy you.
I recently walked away from a conversation that was very negative, and a waste of my time. I do not want to be near somebody who is continuously moaning about first world problems. I did actually say, “I can’t be near this, it’s too negative, sorry,” and walked off. I then bumped straight into a guy and had a beautiful, healthy conversation, about cycling and the weather. I have to go where the good vibes are, and I make no apology. I only tell the truth, and the truth is powerful. If I tell someone a fact, it’s up to them how they deal with it. They can moan about me, or they can look at their life and have a thing about whether it could be better, and happier, and what they would need to do to make a start on this. Or they can do nothing. Their choice.
I was asked about my comment today. I was told that the lady I said it to couldn’t believe that I had said it. I was only telling the truth. My truth, and there is nothing wrong with that. The person who was asking about it said that their own opinion was that I being cruel to be kind. I believe I was, and I know that other people who heard about it, did actually think, well it is the truth, but they couldn’t have said it themselves. This is ok. I know I am different to other people, and that is fine. One day, that person may find some value in what I said to them, and start to understand why I said it. That would be lovely for them. Or they may never work it out. That is fine too.
Your time is precious and, once you know your worth, you will stop spending it on trying to please others, and trying to help others who have no intention of taking onboard any advice you have to give. These two activities, which were once predominant in my life, have now disappeared. Yes, I carry out random acts of kindness, and give compliments to almost everybody I come across on a daily basis, but I do not go out of my way to keep people happy, who have chosen not to be happy. Nothing I do will ever change this. they have to want to change. If they don’t then that is great, I will always keep my distance from them.
The same with helping those who have continuous drama in their lives. The ones who are like “poor me,” “nothing good ever happens to me,” “the world is against me.” Big red rags! I used to spend hours, days, weeks, years, trying to get these people to see the positives in their lives, to give them advice on how they could start to make changes to their lives. Nothing EVER changed. A total waste of both of our time. Now I know my worth, I give these people a wide birth. I’ll smile and say hello, but that is it. People can say I’m harsh, but if they want to continue this cycle with their ‘friends’ then they can go ahead. My time is too precious to spend listening to the same old story again and again.
By letting these people go from my world, new, brilliant, uplifting people have appeared. We support one another, we empower one another, we thrive. It’s wonderful. They know that my time is valuable, and vice versa.
People start to respect you more when they know that your time is precious. When you are continuously going out of your way for people who expect you to do just that, you are showing them that you aren’t important, and that everybody else is worth more than you. The only way you can address this, is to become more unavailable. Say no to things they do not serve you. Yes, help others, but if it will stress you out or encroach on something that you love doing, just say no. Once you have started to decline offers, it will get easier and easier. Your life will become so much more peaceful. You will get valued more by others, and not walked all over. It is not their fault that you want to please anybody and every body, it’s yours. So, take your life back, only do what makes you happy, and know that you are priceless.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Something will start to give if you put everybody else first. Take care of your own body and mind. They are the only ones you have. It isn’t being selfish, it’s self care. You need to do this to function at an optimum level. When I was married, I was a people pleaser, and got angry with everybody for taking advantage of me. Then I realised it was my own fault and just stopped letting them. I became a nicer person to be around. A better mum to my children. I started to show them that you must look after yourself first, before you can attempt to be of service to others. This involves knowing that you are enough, As you are. You have the power to think, and be, whatever you want. Use it.
Nobody else can make you feel worthless, unless you let them.