Why Are So Many People Living As They Are “Supposed” To?

So many people are living as they are supposed to, not how they want to. They don’t realise that they are in fact free to live as they wish.

Very few people are able to make changes in their lives to improve it. I hear people coming up with excuses all the time. It amuses me.
We are free to do whatever we want. Too many of us do not get that fact! Society, friends and family all pressure us into following the ‘rules.’ There are no rules! Anything is possible.
I was talking to some people in their early 20s last week. One of them has just finished a degree and is currently attending interviews for relevant jobs. The thing is that they are relevant for the degree and the family that surround that person. Sadly, not relevant for the person themself. They said that they are dreading the thought of being in an office from 9am til 5am!!!! That’s quite an important piece of information which clearly points out that this type of job is going to destroy this person’s soul and for the sole purpose that ‘”everyone is telling me that’s what I have to do.”
Someone that young, going down a path that they have no need to, fills me with sadness. I asked them to consider travelling, work their way around the world, experience life and earn money along the way.
Then they said that they’ll have to come back and “get a job.” But they don’t!!! They can do whatever they please. Along their journey they may find their calling. Anything could happen. They feel so much pressure to live how most people live – get a job, meet a partner, get married, get a mortgage, have children, etc etc etc. No. No. No!! Yes, lots of people are happy doing this, and that is great, but those who feel pressured into following this path just because it’s “what you do” need to wake up and realise that everything is up to them what they do in their lives, not ‘everybody’ else.

When I travel on the tube, I find it so interesting that everyone looks so bored. Hardly anyone looks alive and, if they do, the others think they are a bit crazy!! Part of me wants to shake them and wake them up to the fact that life is too short to just chase money and then die. That’s what most of them are doing. They are in jobs that they hate, because they earn enough money to do things that they love occasionally. They need the money to buy and do ‘stuff’ to make them happy, but if they were happy in themselves, and working doing something that they loved, they wouldn’t need the ‘stuff’!
I went the normal route but obviously wasn’t meant to and found the way back to being ‘me’ eventually.

I am now a rebel. I used to conform to how we ‘should’ be but now I don’t.
When I was at school I followed all of the rules. Properly. Same when I was at University, and then work.  When I decided to swap Bond Broking for Beauty Therapy things started changing a little. This was when I realised I was earning a lot of money for doing something I didn’t love anymore. I owned a flat that I hardly saw and I didn’t have any children to support, so the decision to leave was easy.

Fast forward a few years.

I was back to doing what society dictated – married, with 3 children, making small talk and going on nights out with people I had little in common with. I don’t drink alcohol and never really have and quite a few people felt it was weird. I suppose that has always been a little act of rebellion. Not doing what everyone else does.
When I turned 40 I went nuts (in some people’s eyes!). In fact, I woke up, and am so glad.

I committed my biggest act of rebellion. I left my marriage. I understood who society wanted me to be but I had no interest in carrying on as I was. I was just existing, not living. I decided that this was not what life was about. I realised that I was actually free to do whatever I wanted to. Just because everyone else would frown upon my choices didn’t mean that I couldn’t do it! It just meant I had to be prepared for negativity. And that negativity came, and from all angles, and unexpected sources too! This turned out to be a great thing though, because all I had to do was avoid it. Simple! This led me to being surrounded by more positive people and energy and I haven’t looked back.

For me, what I have done, has been the best thing ever. For my children too. I’m showing them that you can be different to others and lead a great, happy life. Yes, I may have told them this before, but they learn from examples, not words.
I had gone the normal route but obviously wasn’t meant to and found the way back to being ‘me’ eventually. People say I’m brave for changing my whole life. Maybe. Maybe not. I just know that facing my fears has brought me to the best places. It always does.
This is who I was;
I lived in a beautiful house with my husband and children.
I was financially secure due to marriage.
I would always have been financially secure.
I bought things to make me happy.
I was the sole carer of my children.
I went on lots of holidays.
I tried to fit in with everyone else.
Negativity was all around me.
I wanted things I didn’t have.
I was obsessed with the gym, and hardly worked.
I wasn’t happy.
Now, this is who I am;
I rent a house.
I have no pension.
I only buy things that are beautiful or needed.
I share care of my children with their dad.
I go on holiday when I like.
I’m on my own little mission and whoever supports me is in my life.
I only surround myself with positivity, no exception.
I appreciate everything I have.
I work hard doing the things I love.
I’m the happiest person I know.
I don’t worry about the future. I don’t do what I’m ‘supposed’ to do, and it works for me. Everyday is brilliant. I either have a great day or I learn a lesson. I teach my children to be themselves and that the right people will appear. Don’t be a follower. Do what you are good at, work hard, and the rewards will follow. Be kind and help others. Do things that scare you.
One factor that had a big influence on my decision to change my life, was a friend dying aged 42. We weren’t close friends but had known each other about 11 years, meeting at ante-natal yoga when we were pregnant with our first children. She died last year. I went to her funeral and since that day her photo has been in my kitchen. It’s a reminder that I’m here, alive and I’m going to make the most of it. She had 2 children. She may have lived her life differently if she know what was going to happen. I don’t know, but I certainly do know that I’m living my life differently because of her.
We don’t know what’s around the corner but I know that if something happens to me, I have lived fully and have no regrets. How many people can actually say that? I’m not being reckless, I have plans, but how many people actually put off living because of doing things they feel they ‘have’ to do before they start?
Too many.

If you want a secure, comfortable life, then go ahead, live easily, but don’t moan about it. If you want to follow your heart and live the life of your dreams then it is possible, but it’ll be far from easy.

If you aren’t ready to take drastic action like I have, then just start by doing one thing everyday that scares you. Just something little will do. It will make you feel even more alive.

I’m well aware that we are all on different paths. I don’t push my way of living onto others and tell them that they are wrong for how they live. I just put my story out there and those who need to hear it, do, and may be inspired to do something that is good for them.
Have a lovely day.

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