Your friends should make you feel good about yourself, not sad or inadequate.
I’ve spoken to a few people lately whose so called ‘friends’ have brought them down with their actions or comments.
It’s not that they’re speaking from a place of truth, which sometimes hurts but they would probably have good intentions.
No. These ‘friends’ are being nasty, most probably because they are jealous, or not happy themselves.
If a friend consistently brings you down when you are really happy about something, then maybe you need to put a little distance between you.
For example, someone was off to a concert to see a singer they loved and were really excited about it. They told a friend. The friend immediately slagged the artist off and basically put a downer on the whole event.
People can obviously have their opinions but no amount of negative talk was going to put the person off of going, although that was probably the impossible intention!
I had similar situations regarding my recent holiday to the Maldives. When I told someone I was taking the children there, they said “Your children are going to be really bored!” I was gobsmacked. She is entitled to her opinion and clearly her mindset is so different to mine. I saw the whole experience as a great adventure, and so did my children. Choosing to think of the negatives is not in me. Positives all the way! My children were not bored for one second. They loved everything, even the 3 plane journeys and the speedboat ride it took to get to our destination.
The lady was maybe jealous or just doesn’t like me. That is fine. Her words didn’t effect me. A few years ago I would have felt the need to justify my intentions and would have maybe doubted my decision. Nowadays, I’m full speed ahead with what is right for me and nobody has the power to make me feel as if I am wrong.
Those comments could make somebody else feel very anxious and down. That is what’s dangerous about toxic people. They succeed in making people feel inadequate but, in truth, they do not have this power at all. The victim can choose to feel any way they like but have to become strong to refuse to let negative comments affect them.
Quite a few people said to me that the journey was too long to the Maldives. Again, another possible negative that me and my family turned into a positive. We watched the whole series of “Rocky” films on the planes, with my eldest daughter even choosing to watch them all again on the way home! The children didn’t complain about the journey once. We were even at Dubai airport for 4 hours waiting for our connecting flight to Male. They had a whale of a time in the kids’ play area and we just about got to the gate in time for our flight.
Life is what you make it. If you want to see bad then you will. If you want to see good then you will. Completely your choice, and nobody else’s business. I choose to only surround myself with the positive people in this world, and it works for me. It won’t work for everybody and that is ok.
You have the choice of who you spend your time with. People change. Situations change. Just because you’ve known somebody for years, it doesn’t mean you have to still see them. Especially if they have an adverse effect on you.
If you feel irritated, annoyed, sad, unworthy and unloved when you leave somebody’s company, then maybe you shouldn’t go back for more.
Nobody is forcing you!
If it’s a family member who drains you, you can place distance between you and them, even if you live in the same house. You can just decide to refuse to let their behaviour affect you. It’s hard to start with, but once you’ve mastered it then their comments and actions will be like water off a duck’s back.
Maybe start looking at your relationships and notice who drains you and who inspires you. Then increase or decrease time spent with them as necessary.