“Always remember that someone’s effort is a reflection of their interest in you.”
We’ve probably all been in the situation where we’ve organised an event and, one by one, people begin to drop out, especially just before the start time. It’s not a nice feeling.
I went to a friend’s home book party once. As I sat there alone, the lady received more and more messages that people weren’t coming.
I was the only one that turned up.
I knew what these things were like for attendance so I’d always put them in my diary and turned up. It’s polite. If you have no intention of going or may be likely to decide against it on the day, then decline the offer! It’s not hard!
Flaky people used to annoy me so much. Now, I don’t have much to do with them and life is so much more peaceful.
People are, on the whole, selfish, and they put themselves before anybody else. Even if they wouldn’t like the same thing to be done to them! They’d be really offended if nobody turned up to their own event but have no problem with letting somebody else down. It amazes me, but the truth is, nobody really cares.
I once had a friend who used to make arrangements with me and then get a better offer and let me down at the last minute. A lot. My children would be all excited that we were meeting up with her and her children and then I’d have to explain that it wasn’t happening. One day I’d had enough and told her, politely, that we weren’t compatible as friends. It didn’t go down too well but my life has been so much more calm since. The drama and two faced behaviour that came with that friendship has not been missed!
I used to organise group nights out but as I’ve gotten older and found that it can get a bit stressful, I just stopped. Simple as that. I want an easy life. People commit and then on the night there’d be a dramatic drop in numbers due to ‘excuses’. I hear people complaining that they ‘have’ to go somewhere, but they ‘don’t’ have to do anything. They have a choice.
I remember when I got married, I didn’t want people to say that they ‘had’ to go to my wedding. Like it was a chore. Like so many people do say when they are going to a wedding, christening, party etc. I find it really disrespectful. Either decline the invitation or go because you really want to. Forcing yourself isn’t nice for anyone!
The right people will always make an effort. I’ve long decided to stay away from those who don’t. Lots of people continue to try and see people who obviously have no interest in them! Let them go! The right people will then start to appear and these new friendships will feel effortless.
I don’t really socialise now as I’m too busy on my mission of helping to change the world for the better, so small talk doesn’t interest me. Neither does meeting people who want to know all about my business but don’t tell me anything about theirs. My eyes have recently been opened to the fact that this used to happen to me a bit, especially when I was going through my divorce and I hadn’t yet switched to not being a victim. Some people thrive on hearing about other people’s drama, maybe because there’s not much going on with theirs, or because it helps them feel better about their own lives, which maybe aren’t that great.
I have no time for gossip, drama and moaning but a lot of social situations I used to be in did, in fact, involve these toxic behaviours. Life is so much more calm and peaceful now. I spend a lot of time alone but I get some great, productive things done.
Finding like-minded people is even better. Your meetings will leave you feeling inspired, full of energy and ready to take on the world, as opposed to negative, drained and ready to have an argument with somebody.
You will find your tribe just by being yourself. If you try and get in with a tribe who aren’t really for you then you won’t feel good about yourself. Be brave. Leave.