“The key to happiness is letting each situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be.”
I love that. It is so true. Stop fighting things that are and just deal with them.
When I was getting divorced, my ex husband decided he wanted to share care of the children. Like properly share, 50/50.
For 10 years I had been the carer. Fulltime. Everyday, with little exception. So, this was a bit of a shock. I expected to carry on with the arrangements as per the marriage. I was stupid and naive! Their dad loves his children and has a job that enables him to work around the care of them, so why wouldn’t he want to see them lots?!
My children’s dad had decided he wanted to see them. Lots. Whatever he had done regarding the children before was no longer relevant.
So, I had to deal with this fact. Not try and change it to what I wanted. How could I stop a dad from seeing his children as much as he wanted?! A dad looking after his children is priceless. I started to see all of the positives and now, can honestly say, that life is better for all of us, with the new arrangements.
I get time to recharge, work and do anything that needs to be done, when the children are away from me. When they are with me, I am 100% with them (unless I have a wedding to attend or work related courses.)
So, my time with them now is of a much better quality than when I was a fulltime parent and run ragged. In my opinion it’s definitely about the quality of time spent, rather than the quantity.
I always say that everything happens how it should. It really does.
I represented myself at court regarding the children as I wasn’t going to fight. I now have the children 4 nights a week and they are with their dad for 3 nights. We share school holidays 50/50.
My children can never turn to me and say I stopped them from seeing their dad. They have a proper relationship with him, which is none of my business.
I don’t get caught up in what they do during their time with him. None of my business. As long as they are happy, I’m happy. And they are. If they weren’t, then it’s something they’d need to sort out with their dad or me. I wouldn’t get involved in their relationship with him.
None of my business.
Lots of parents get annoyed if the other parent doesn’t have the same rules or is a bit lapse with certain things. I do not. It’s not worth it.
I used to start to get a bit angry if, for example, they were on holiday with their dad and I saw them on FaceTime and they were sunburned, but I began to realise that I couldn’t do anything about these types of situation. It had happened and me getting angry about it wouldn’t change this. Seeing their sore skin was enough for their dad to be extra careful from then on, not me shouting and screaming at him. That would just be stressful for everyone.
I also started to realise that some things that he would do that I didn’t agree with, were actually things that I had done myself! So I would be a hypocrite it I got annoyed about these things. I do see so many people have one rule for themselves and one rule for their ex partners. It’s madness.
They need to have a think before starting another in a long line of arguments about parenting. The children are 50% of each parent, they don’t belong solely to one of them. Some parents seem to want sole control over their child or children. This isn’t healthy, unless one parent is unfit to look after a child, for example, they are dependent on drugs or alcohol. This is a totally different situation. I am talking about responsible parents who just have different ways of thinking about life.
The sooner we let go of things we have no control over, the more peaceful life will become. We can’t control certain situations, only how we react to them. I always choose peacefully. I don’t want to take years off of my life by stressing over things that aren’t the end of the world because that is all it does really.
Let it go!