If you are thinking about leaving a relationship, then you most likely need to leave it. As soon as possible.
It’s hard to find the right time if children, houses, businesses and finances are involved, but if you continue to wait for the perfect time, you will probably never get away. Your life will pass you by and you would have just settled for your life, and never truly lived.
Even if it’s a new relationship, trust your gut feeling. It is always right. In the past I have ignored this, and believed that everything would work itself out. I was wrong. Every single time. The relationships lasted far longer than they should have, but I always found a lesson learned from them and have never regretted a thing.
I recently ended a physical relationship with someone who ‘gets’ me more than anyone before him. We had a beautiful time whenever we met, and a powerful connection. Unfortunately he was unavailable, and the restrictions on when I could call, text, or see him, didn’t suit me. I do not want a boyfriend, but I’m happy to see someone regularly, as long as they are as free as I am. It was not the case in this instance.
Years ago, I would probably have put up with how the relationship had to be, just because of how lovely the feelings were when we were together. I’m so different now though. I am not needy, and I go with my gut. As soon as something doesn’t feel quite right, I’m out of there. It’s a powerful place to be. I may ‘want’ a person, but I definitely don’t ‘need’ them.
If a relationship stops serving us, we need to leave. If we stay, and get hurt, because we start to wish things were different when they can’t be, then that’s our own fault. Nobody else is to blame. If we allow somebody to treat us in an unacceptable way then we have to accept the consequences, and take responsibility. It is what it is. Don’t moan about a situation, just deal with it.
Nowadays, I love everybody, and can fall in love quickly, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t leave just as fast! I choose how I feel. Nobody else has this power over me.
One of my previous boyfriends was great for quite a while, but then he stopped lifting me up, and no longer understood where I wanted to go with my life. This is totally fine, as I can’t make anyone understand me, but the relationship had to end, so I could continue on my path alone. I cannot have people around me who aren’t supportive of my dreams, and I’m sure they don’t want to be around me either!
When somebody starts dragging you down, and trying to make you feel ‘wrong’ then you have to move away from them. If you have dreams and your partner can’t be encouraging of them or, even worse, tells you that they will never come true, then the best thing you can do is go and prove them wrong. Let their negativity boost your motivation.
If you are in a long term relationship and haven’t been working on it, it may start to become loveless and abusive. One way, or both ways.
If your partner is continuously bringing you down, pointing out your faults and avoiding spending time with you, or vice versa, then something needs to be done. Unless you are happy living like this, in which case, carry on!
You may have had, or are having, affairs. Again, it’s probably not ideal but if you are happy doing this then carry on! Everybody deserves to be happy and nobody owes anybody anything. If your partner is neglecting you then they can’t act angry or surprised if somebody else starts giving you attention.
Obviously it’s best if you can work things out either way before it gets to this stage, but from what I have observed, sometimes relationships are too far gone to be saved, and affairs seem to be very common.
I am of the opinion that only a small percentage of marriages are happy, the rest are just stumbling along, and only exist for convenience. Lots of couples stay together and just lead separate lives, mainly because of children, or finances.
I know firsthand that if you are positive throughout separation then the children are absolutely fine, even if only one partner is playing ball.
I also know that freedom is priceless, so staying together so you keep your beautiful house, cars, luxury holidays and material possessions, is a waste of time. Superficial stuff will only give you temporary, conditional happiness. Freedom will give you a deep, unconditional happiness that you have probably only experienced when you were young, and not yet on that slippery slope to conformity.
The financial implications that arise from separation differ in each case but it always seems to work out how it should. If you are positive and know how you would deal with the worst case scenario if it happened, then you are sorted. My ex husband is financially stable and owns a house. During the divorce, he hid and lied about the money and business he had. This is common. I, on the other hand, do not have future financial stability, and am renting a house, but am the happiest I have ever been, because only I am in control of my life nowadays. This is priceless. I have no fear regarding the future. I live in the moment and feel excited about seeing what each day will bring. I have no plan, and only ever think positively. Some people think I’m crazy, but I just think I’m free. I look at them and think “who’s the happy one?”
We do not know what is around the corner, so I choose life. Everyday. I live as if I am going to die, and always go where the fun is. I can do what I want, when I want, with whomever I want, and it is great.
I shudder when I think of how my life would have continued if I had stayed in my marriage. It was very unhealthy and unhappy. I would never wish that life upon anyone, although so many people are living it still, being enemies rather than partners.
A lot of couples normalise abuse, and show their children that it’s ok to be rude about your partner, when it really is not. They say that they want their children to have a mum and dad who are together, but would they really like their children to have the same, unhappy type of relationship when they are older? I really hope not.
This is why I chose to leave my marriage. To show my children that you do not have to settle for a life that is making you a shadow of your real self. To show them that love isn’t when two people avoid seeing each other and argue a lot when they do. To show them what loving yourself looks like and letting them that it’s ok to move on when something isn’t working.
Older generations will talk about fixing relationships and that you must take the rough with the smooth, but how many of them have just settled for a life that isn’t anything close to what they had hoped for? So many. I don’t believe that we should sacrifice ourselves for another human being. We must encourage our partner’s dreams and support them in everything they wish to do, even if we don’t understand it ourselves. Once we belittle or scoff at our partner’s ideas, we are behaving unacceptably. There is no need for this. Stay silent, be encouraging, or think seriously about setting yourselves free so you can both do what you are meant to in this world. If people are becoming shadows of their former selves, in the name of marriage, then I do not believe it is the way forward.
Resentment will start to set in if the things we hope to achieve are laughed at by the very person who is supposed to lift us up.
A lot of people start relationships for superficial reasons, maybe a strong physical attraction or a monetary one. These can be great at the beginning, but maybe not sustainable. They can limp along for many years after the initial attraction has waned. If you are with someone just because they support you financially and give you everything money can buy, you will never be truly fulfilled and happy. You will keep buying more and more things to give you temporary happiness, but it will end up destroying your soul. A luxury lifestyle can be addictive, but it’s very sad when you see that that is all a relationship is about – what you’ve got, who you are seen with, and which places you go to.
I always tell people to go on first dates that are simple – maybe a walk in the forest or a cheap cafe, so that nothing clouds your view of the real person you are with. You can’t be impressed by the superficial stuff if all you have in front of you is a genuine person, who you can get to know properly, without them feeling as though they have to impress you.
I am not impressed by cars, jobs, houses or clothes. Only kindness impresses me. This scares fake, superficial people, and I can spot them a mile off. My being so real and honest makes this type of person feel very uncomfortable, and it’s very powerful.
I once had a boyfriend who was very wealthy and he took me away to a beautiful place, where we stayed in an amazing hotel. On the first day there, I realised that I shouldn’t have gone, or been with him, and wanted to go home. No amount of luxury or beautiful scenery could compensate for the fact that I didn’t want to be with this person. I’d been swept up in the lifestyle and then suddenly became aware that none of this really mattered. It was at this moment that I realised that so many people live like this permanently, with everything money can buy, but no love. I felt really sorry for them. I knew then that I would never be impressed by material things again.
I love love and I absolutely love that it cannot be bought, or artificially made. We cannot control who we fall in love with, or who we fall out of love with. It is what it is. It is also only your business when it happens, nobody else’s. So, maybe listen to their opinions, but always do what YOU want to do. Everything you ever choose to do in your life is right for you at that time. Have no regrets. At worse a lesson is learned.
So, go with your gut feeling. Always. Don’t be scared to leave a relationship if you feel you can have a better life being free. Everything always happen how it should and when it should but never, ever choose to settle, if deep down you know you have a lot more to show this world.